Excuses, Excuses

I apologize for my absence.

There's been much business and lack of motivation on my part.  I had the county fair to get through, and a novel to edit and send into the OYAN contest.

But all of that was like pulling teeth, since about the beginning of July I've had no motivation.  None.  Zip.

I managed to get everything done, and exceeded everyone's expectations in most areas.  I even managed to finish a third draft of my novel and whisk it off to the OYAN contest ten days before the deadline.

Over the week of fair I felt good.  I was finally getting stuff done.  I was getting to spend time with my friends.  Fair ended.  So I decided to start school to try and keep myself doing stuff.  I seemed to help, but I had problems keeping up, and I managed to get behind within the first week.  On Monday the following week I resolved to do better, and forced myself to get out of bed and get the day started...

...but I got stung by a bee and had a nearly serious reaction.  I spent six hours sleeping after an EpiPen and three doses of benadryl scattered throughout the day.  I didn't even go to dance.

I thought maybe this was supposed to be a wake up call, and on Tuesday I managed to catch up on everything for school.  And then I got behind again....

So here I am, trying not to completely die, and trying to keep myself motivated with the thought of State Fair and Nutcracker Auditions.  I'm hoping some brilliant solution will drop out of the sky for this, but at the moment, it doesn't seem to be happening.

In other news, I'm thinking of totally revamping my blog and starting over.  I'll still keep all the old posts, but I'm going to try to post every Saturday, and it will probably be more of life update-y thingy, since I really don't think I've had enough life experience to be posting about life and writing things. >.<

~Charlotte Grace, the Mind Traveler

Spiritual Battles Part One: Guilt

When our pastor started his sermon-series of spiritual warfare, he warned us that being aware of them usually causes us to have spiritual battles.

And I won't deny I haven't had my share.

However, throughout this, I have found myself getting closer to God, praying more than ever, and dedicating more of what I do to him.  So, I've decided to do a series on my discoveries over this. Starting with Guilt.

I have always struggled with guilt.  I recall one time when I was six or so and crying because I wasn't perfect.
And that meant I wasn't perfect enough for God, right?  After all He's holy and righteous, and I'm...
not.
I'm not worthy.  And I never will be.

For several nights last month, I felt like David did in Psalms 38 and 51.

3. There is no soundness in my flesh
because of your indignation;
there is no health in my bones
because of my sin.
4. For my iniquities have gone over my head;
like a heavy burden, they are too heavy for me.
5. My wounds stink and fester
because of my foolishness,
(Psalm 38:3-5 ESV)


3. For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is ever before me.
4. Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you may be justified in your words
and blameless in your judgment.
(Psalm 51:3-4 ESV)

I had to constantly remind myself that it doesn't matter.  There was no reason for Jesus to die if I'm still guilty.  God loves me anyway.


21. and since we have a great priest over the house of God, 22. let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. 23. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.
(Hebrews 10:21-23 ESV)




~Charlotte Grace, the Mind Traveler

P.S.  This song is what I fell asleep listening to the on the nights I was struggling most.  Hope you enjoy!